Friday, August 12, 2011

Broken but Blessed

I know it's been a while since I've posted.  There has been a lot going on over here and a lot of it has been bad.  So, we'll start with the good news...

Logan's most recent clinic visit went VERY well.  I am super stoked.  We're still tracing along in the 50th percentile for weight.  God bless that G-tube and Pediasure.  The docs are pleased enough with his weight that we are going to back off on his night feeds and Bolus feeds to see if he can maintain a decent weight on primarily oral foods.  I... am... so... excited... I can't believe my little boy has accomplished so much!  His lungs also sound very good.  Still awaiting the results on his sputum culture, but I have high hopes for that as well.  The only sad news from his clinic visit is that my FAVORITE doctor of his, one of his pulmonologists, is deploying for 6 months.  Oh well, such is the Army lifestyle.  Thankfully he will be back after the deoplyment and is not being restationed elsewhere. 

Landon, is also being transferred out of his hospital job and back into an infantry unit.  What this means for us is that he is likely going to be deploying himself, come December.  It would be a year in Afghanistan this time.  I am REALLY not looking forward to that, so I am strongly considering going back to Colorado to live with my parents while he is gone.  That would mean going to either Denver Children's or Jewish National for our CF care for the year.  I have heard great things about both of them so i'm not too concerned, but it would be a good deal of paperwork and possibly a waiting period of being able to start his care in a new region of our insurance.  But... I think this will probably be worth it for my emotional well being. 

Lastly, I know that some of you already know this but I have not made it widely public yet.  Please... I really don't do well with pity, so please don't feel it necessary to shower me with apologies.  I'm strictly making this public so that I don't have to answer questions one by one as you all start to figure it out.  Landon and I lost our pregnancy.  I would have been about 11-12 weeks along by now and after a couple of repeat ultrasounds and blood panels, the doctors discovered that the fetus stopped growing at about 6 weeks gestation.  My body did not seem to recognize the miscarriage and we were still holding out hope for a bit, but it has now been over a month so the doctors strongly recommended some medical intervention.  Thus, this morning, begrudgingly, I had a D and C surgery to remove the dead fetus.  Our hearts are broken and we are still trying to process all of this, but I trust that God had a purpose.  Someday, I will understand what that purpose was.  There is no point in trying to rationalize it.  There is nothing we could have done to change it or prevent it.  It just was...

We appreciate all the prayers and support from those of you that have known and would appreciate further thoughts and prayers to help our family heal.  <3